I know what you're thinking. Slug pellets. They don't work. Huh? Well these aren't like your normal slug pellets, these work in a new and much more sophisticated way. Not only do these pellets kill the slugs that eat them, kill the slugs that come into contact with them, kill the slugs that think about them for too long, taste nice to slugs, smell nice to slugs, feel nice to slugs and omit a high frequency sound that attracts slugs... as our leading competitor's pellets do... these pellets go further. These pellets actually seek out your slugs and kill them with a special laser gun concealed on the edge of each pellet. These pellets talk to the slugs, suggesting they should be eaten forthwith. You can buy our standard pellets for a mere £20 a pellet or our special mutli lingual pellets that attract 7 nationalities of slug and warn your pets not to eat them for a mere £50 a pellet. The extra special advanced superduper version does all this and has a very-tasty-sweet mode, which it automatically converts to when aproaching a human mouth, only £70. And finally the amazing, extra, superduper, incredible, new, great, excellent, wonderpelletTM that does all this and makes you tea, brings your breakfast in bed, negotiates waring factions into peace in under 4 hours, solves world famine and automatically removes biscuit crumbs from your tea! - for only YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL, buy now!
They are available at all good gardening shops.