In a press release today Microsoft announced plans to take over things-in-general-y'know. This is the largest step microsoft has taken so far. Bill Gates plans to head The Executive Board of Everything or even scrap the board all together. Although Bill Gates technically has no actual power to overthrow the board his successes in the past have caused many people concern. The worries of many were summed up by Trevor Barrow, a self professed spokesperson for people-in-general, (who is known by many for attempting to bring the existance of The Executive Board of Everything to the attention of the public) when he said "What Bill is essentially saying is that he plans to take autonomous rule over things-in-general-y'know and whilst, he would argue that the board has had this power since its creation, in the past the board has been comprised of so many people who have such different aims for things-in-general-y'know that, although every single one of these aims would be detremental to the intrests of people in general, the resulting compromise has the exact same effect as democracy. Once a single organisation has full control there is a danger that someone might actually do something." Bill Gates has defended his actions however by saying "I don't want to be God, I just want a Microsoft computer to be God."

Since the year 116 AD the executive board has been becoming more and more like a figurehead for things-in-general-y'know and has been making less and less decisions that have any effect on anything. Bill isn't at all happy with this. "All these politicians and people keep telling me what to do." he told me in a personal interview. "I think it's about time I told them who's boss."

We couldn't actually speak to William S Haris, the director of The Executive Board of Everything as he had to 'cut his toenails', but the spokesperson for his personal assistant's secretary told us "We really don't understand the fuss, Bill Gates is really just talking out of turn and has no power whatsoever to go through with what he is saying. It has really just been blown out of all proportion.".

Trevor Barrow spoke to us at the launch of his latest book 'Look, how many times do I have to tell you? The Executive Board exists!', to which all press were forbidden to turn up. He told me that he had been anticipating this move for quite a while. "Already Bill and two other people from Microsoft have got themselves onto the Board [which comprises only twenty people and a chair - not a chairperson - just a very intelligent chair] and I feared that something like this might happen." He went on to tell me about how his campaigning is being hindered by the fact that the popular press still continue with the myth that power lies not in the Executive Board but elswhere. Unfortunately he couldn't finish because he was arrested by my two assistants who turned out to be members of the secret police.

Which ever way you look at it the prospect of Bill Gates having absolute power over everything is a matter of concern for us all. There is no evidence that he could handle such power. The executive board is playing the matter down, but answers to no one, so it would. Already Bill is showing signs of collapsing under the weight of his power. Today's conference was ended early as Bill was dragged away by his doctors shouting "I want to see a God on every desktop!" The future is looking bleak.

Ron Gibber is an independant reporter who is unusual in that he doesn't belong to the International People Who Write Things Trade Union and therefore does not attend the monthly meeting where they decide what the truth is. He became succesful due to his rare belief that there is nothing people shouldn't know. As well as his famous books about the Executive Board, he is also known for his attempts to explain the meaning of Oasis lyrics to people-in-general.

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